My Reality
by Akire Rosales
Summary: "There is a buzzing in my ears and I barely noticed when I fell on my knees to the floor. Maka is not here, she's gone and she wont come back. No, she has her own life now, a life in the arms of that pianist of scarlet eyes..."


**AkireRosales**: hello everypony! Here I am, back again 8D with a translation to english of my own fanfiction. That said, english is not my native language, so its highly probable that you may encounter some hidious grammar mistakes. Im deeply sorry about them!

Also, I need to thank to Queen of Games for being the beta reader of this story. Thank you very very much! Sorry for making your eyes bleed with my wannabe english D:

About the fic, it settles around 5 years after the anime events, Crona's POV.

Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater, the characters belong to Atsushi Ohkubo. If I owned SE the CroMa would be cannon ;_;

Enjoy the reading!

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**My Reality**

Its pretty late, I know because of the watch on my wrist announcing that it was two in the morning. It is a silver watch which at first I refused to wear because I didn't know how to deal with having something on my wrist... but she gave it to me. I remembered that day, how could I forget? I've only had five birthdays in my whole life, all of them celebrated by my friends of the DWMA… my friends and her. Maka Albarn smiled to me that day just after we ate the cake made by Tsubaki, giving me a little black box. _"Happy Birthday, Crona"_ she said with that beautiful smile of hers. I love that smile, it makes me feel warm on the inside, my stomach shrinks and my face burns. It's a scary sensation I often have whenever I do as much as look at her but I got used to it, besides I have been dealing with that feeling for many years, since the day I met her. Today I had the chance to enjoy that smile the whole day, to see her smile and her eyes shining with joy. I should be happy...but I'm not.

I have this feeling of emptiness inside of me, I've had this for months since she told me the news, hugging me and jumping for joy. I remember the impresion was so big that I felt faint; Ragnarok complaining because of my blood pressure falling dramatically. He said something like _"You know how it feels Crona? It's like getting thrown off a cliff without parachute knowing you will fall n'shit and you can't fly away!"_ I have never understood Ragnarok's comparisons, but the example was somewhat similiar to how I felt in that moment... I felt like falling, falling and unable to stop, falling into a deep abyss from which I could never get out. I had this feeling everyday since then, I still do, even when it's kind of different. I felt like I already have fallen and hit the bottom, trapped in the depths of an abyss and my screams of help couldn't reach the surface. Trapped; I am trapped and completely alone.

I should be happy, I should be happy like all of my friends are, I should be proud of seeing Maka smile the whole day. Above all, I should be happy because of the role I played in the party. After all... not every day you can be the bride's best man. Among all of her friends, Maka chose me to be on her side during her wedding.

I cant help but smile with the memory, the way Maka asked me to be her best man with a blush on her cheeks. She told me that the tradition was that the bride had to choose a woman for the job, but she wanted me, she wanted me beside her on her special day. That disappointed Liz, but at the end I needed so much help and advices that she had to be by my side the whole time. I had to choose a party theme, decorations, and even help Maka choosing a wedding dress. The job was overwhelming and truth be told I have no idea what was Maka thinking when she decided that I was the best option for the job. She told me that she trusted me to not pick anything too flamboyant or over the top for the party; but honestly, I practically allowed Liz to do pretty much everything and I just worked on marking limits eveytime she went out of Maka's taste or wallet. I think that was the reason of why she chose me for the job. No one knows Maka Albarn better than me.

The wedding was simple, nothing big or expensive and everyone I knew were there. The ceremony was made in Death City's church so Shinigami-sama could attend. I was there, standing in the altar next to Maka's father, Spirit, who was crying of joy with snot running down his nose, not even bothering to wipe it. It was very disgusting to say the least.

"Nyaaaan! I'm sleepy Cronaaaa!" I was startled by Blair's whining who then proceeded to rub against my arm, purring. Ragnarok jumped out of my back, getting himself comfortable on top of my head while pulling my hair like a pair of reins.

"Crona you've been standing here for hours like a dumbass! Get inside the goddamn apartment, I'm tired!" Ragnarok roared on top of my head, soon after being distracted by Blair who decided that it was a good idea to rub against me as well.

"B-B-Blair! Don't do that!" I pleaded, shaking both Ragnarok and the magical kitten off me. I still don't know how to deal with Blair's breasts when they're near me.

"That's your problem Crona! You're just not man enough to be near a woman!" Ragnarok mocked while giving me a merciless noogie. "That's why you're alone, dumbass! Stop being such a wimp or you'll end being someone else's bitch! And you are MY bitch! I'm the only company you'll ever have here!"

Just like that Ragnarok suddenly stopped his agression, like he just realized what he said. Blair noticed it too, I guess, 'cause I felt her stop on her harrasment giving me some odd look. Was that pity? Maybe, I think it was… or at least sympathy towards me. I guess it was that since I could feel how the color drained from my already pale face. I am alone, from this moment I am completely alone, no one beside me except for my weapon partner and a magical cat. Ragnarok was with me because he had no choice, he was as stuck to me as I was to him; and Blair...well, it was Blair.

After a tense moment of silence, my weapon partner was the one to break it.

"...Just get inside the apartment, Crona. You look like a dumbass standing here!" Ragnarok growled before retreating inside my body. With a sigh I took the keys from my black suit, a smock chosen by Maka just for the occasion. I remembered her face and that smile of hers when she saw me modeling the outfit in the store. She told me I looked quite attractive. I dont know how to deal with that! Looking attractive, everyone just stares at you like you had something weird coming out of your body, beside Ragnarok; but she liked it, and that had motivated me enough for to agree using the smocking for her wedding.

As I walked into the apartment and turned on the lights, I noticed… how empty it was. It reminded me of my reality that I was now alone. Spirit and Professor Stein had taken away all of Maka's belongings to her new apartment, a larger one where she would start her new life. Of course, as a just married couple, Maka and Soul could not stay in such a small apartment shared with Blair and me any longer. They had decided that I should keep the old apartment, just to make sure that I wouldnt go back to the cold dark cell of Shibusen, my former room. They convinced Blair to stay with me so she could help me pay the rent, but I knew better. The tricks of the magical cat where everything but "cool" for a just married couple, at least that's what Soul would have said.

I was standing still again, standing in the middle of the living room with my eyes unfocused staring a random wall, shaking... I could feel myself shaking. The sudden feeling of Blair in her cat form rubbing against my ankle forced me to snap out of it. Swallowing hard, I forced myself to not lose consciousness. It wasn't like I would pass out or something, but lately I would stay still, thinking for hours in one position, lost in the hell inside my mind. It happened a lot when I was younger, back at the time when I lived with Medusa, locked in that dark room. Forcing myself to smile so Blair wouldn't worry only helped for her to notice the effort it took, giving me another pitiful stare.

I shook my head, keeping the fake smile while carrying Blair, holding her in my arms and gently carresing her soft fur. It was easier to deal with Blair this way, feeling her breathing against my chest, purring. Since the day Maka gave me the news about her wedding, Blair became unusually close to me, more than she already was. In fact, it started when Maka and Soul began dating, leaving me behind in the apartment alone with my thoughts.

When that happened I use to sit in the living room doing nothing, just staring at the wall. That living room is gone now, along with the dining table and the TV. Maka's huge bookshelf is gone, and I dont even want to think about the bedrooms... her bedroom. Well it was obvious, everything in the apartment belonged to them, so I expected it to look empty. Dont take me wrong, I didn't want anything of them, but now that I'm looking at all the emptiness around me... It just helps to settle my reality. Sighing I made my way into the kitchen, the only place in the apartment that was somewhat intact. The status of the kitchen after years of suffering from Blair and Soul's cooking attempts was so deplorable that Maka didnt even bother taking it away.

"_I'm sorry for leaving you the kitchen like this Crona"_ Was what she said to me, that shame in her cheeks that, nonetheless, made her look so beautiful. I know her well, I know she was being sincere. She had never ever lied to me, and after years of living together I knew she never would. Soul wanted to take everything with them, but Maka wanted to leave me most of her stuff. I dont know how to deal with them arguing, especially when they argue about me. It's not like Soul is a bad guy, even when he is rough in the way he addresses to me, I know he is a good guy. Maka would never be interested a bad guy. Before the arguing turned into a full fight I decided to step up telling them to take everything away, that I didnt need anything. All my life I've lived without any belongings, well… not even my own life or my own will belonged to me, so I am quite used to it. The kitchen was a gift from Maka, so I want to stay here for now. I just cant stand to go to the bedrooms, not yet at least.

I left Blair on top of the kitchen table so I could have my hands free. Under her curious stare I got rid of the tie that had been strangling me the whole day. Careful to not untangle the knot of the tie, I took it away above my head, staring at it. Maka made that knot, this very morning she watched my distress while attempting to fix my tie and with that beautiful smile of hers she helped me out. Despite the hurry she had, despite her own stress and worries, she still could make time in her tight agenda for me.

Another sigh. Closing my eyes tightly, I forced myself to leave the tie aside in the table so I could get rid of the stiff smocking, unbuttoning my white shirt just a bit, allowing the cold air of the night chill my pounding chest. Lately I've noticed I've been forcing myself to do lots of things, like leaving the apartment when Soul and Maka wanted to be alone, or that time when I forced myself to smile back to Maka when I saw her leaving Soul's bedroom one morning, or that time when I stood out of my room just to see them kissing in the living room, forcing myself to make no noise so I wouldn't disturb them. Yeah... I've been forcing myself to do lots of stuff for a long time now.

I remember Blair stopped sleeping in Soul's room and some time later she also stopped sleeping in Maka's. Blair wasnt as dumb as everyone made her look, I discovered this the day she entered my room and saw me crying, muffling the noise with a pillow against my face. "I know..." was what she had said to me before jumping into my arms and rubbed against my chest, allowing me to hug her and wet her fur with my tears. She knew, she discovered my secret, though I wonder if she could understand my pain. Since that day forward Blair made my room her own, under the strict condition not to transform to human form by any means while I were asleep. Ragnarok still wasn't happy with that agreement; he has a thing for Blair's human body.

Some tickling sensation on my nose took me out of my thoughts again, I noticed Blair rubbing the tip of her tail against my nose and cheeks. I thanked her with a smile, raising my hand to caress behind her ears. We both have been abandoned, we both know it well. Maka told us once and again that as soon as they finally get established in their new apartment we could visit them any time we want. Right know I dont know if I'll be able to deal with that.

"A-are you h-hungry? I c-can warm some m-milk…" I suggested to Blair, who shook her head before yawning loudly. Right… its almost three in the morning now and the cat had been dancing almost all day and roaming for male company. She must be exhausted. Damn, I didnt do anything the whole day and even I'm exhausted...more like mentally exhausted.

During the party I spent quite some time beside the snack table, allowing Ragnarok to stuff his mouth till his hearts content. It was the only way to keep my partner in his best behaviour, besides it was fortunate for me that I knew all the guests. After the wedding we moved to Kid's mannor, who lended his home for the party. He and the Thompson sisters were there along with Shinigami-sama, more cheerful than usual, bouncing around the guests welcoming and congratulating everybody. Black Star got to be Soul's best man and he looked quite happy... probably because of all the food available in the snack table. I must say that at the end it all turned into a competition between Ragnarok and him for the title of who could eat the most. Black Star won, I just couldnt stay silent and allow Ragnarok to get me sick from all the food, so I dropped the towel for him. My weapon partner definitely wasn't happy about that, but fortunately he was so full that he didn't even bother bullying me, retreating inside me for the rest of the evening.

Then the Val's started.

The memory was nice, beautiful, and at the same time was probably the most painful memory I have now since the ones of my childhood. Taking Blair in my arms, I allowed her to rest on my lap, caressing her back. She was tired and needed to sleep, but I wasnt ready to go to my room just yet. Purring against my scarred stomach, it didn't take long for her find a comfortable position on my thighs and fell asleep. She was being amazingly patient with me.

Maka and Soul opened the vals, as it was tradition according to what Tsubaki explained to me. I stood there at the edge of the dance floor, admiring just how beautiful Maka looked in her white wedding dress. She was an angel, a beautiful angel floating on the floor. Her smile was as warm as the sun and those green eyes of hers filled with life the dry beach of my soul. Just by watching her I could feel her hapiness, I could sense her soul wavelength and how it vibrated with joy. Between my dirty soul and her own there is a strange connection. Its a connection beyond resonance, I dont know what it is... but I wish it didn't exist. It never had bothered me before, but just today I discovered that it could become a serious problem. I found out today the moment they announced that the bride and her best man should dance.

I had a mini heart attack when Maka left Soul to approach me with that beautiful smile of hers as she took my hand.

"_Crona… dance with me."_ Were her words, making my heart to do a mortal jump on my chest. Luckily for me Ragnarok had eaten too much to come out and would have most likely embarrassed me and Maka, a thing that was now awfully common. Ragnarok knew about my feelings, he knew it from the beginning and he wasn't happy at all with what was happening. He told me just this morning how much of a dumbass I was for just accepting it, accepting the relationship between Maka and Soul, the wedding plans, everything.

"_M-M-M-Maka! I-I d-dont know… aahh I dont think I should!"_ I stuttered, shaking when she took my hand, dragging me to the dance floor making everyone watch us. I definitely couldn't deal with this!

"_I want to dance with you."_ She told me with determination in her eyes, a look I couldn't refuse. Closing my lips in a tight line, I forced myself to not pass out right on the spot, swallowing hard when Maka made me hold her waist, her free hand entwined with mine. We were so close to each other, so much that I could smell her perfume, a very soft scent. Thanfully Maka always used soft scents, I couldnt deal with strong perfumes, and truth be told I liked her natural scent better. She smell like the sun, it was warm, filled with calm and hapiness, eveything my soul starved for. My face got warm and flustered in pink, rivalizing my hair color.

Then I noticed I stood still in the middle of the dance floor with Maka in my arms, looking at me with a smile. She knew I hadn't the slightest idea of what I was supposed to do.

"_It's a waltz, Crona. Imagine I'm Ragnarok and you're fighting, guide me."_ She explained to me, patient as always, smiling while she tightened her hold on me. How could she trust me so much? I could embarrass her in front of everyone! I didnt want to do that on her special day!

Maka noticed my shaking eyes, my turmoil, and just after smiling at me patiently like always, she started to move, guiding me around the dance floor with steady short steps. I focused on staring at her face, watching her shining emerald eyes, feeling her soul wavelenght and how she soothed my own. The movements between us started to feel... natural, and before I even noticed I was dancing with her, guiding her through the dance floor.

She was right, it was like fighting. Keeping her close to me, her waist was the handle of my sword, our hands the link between our souls. My steps were short and determined, taking her forward, attacking, dragging her back, retreating. She smiled at me widely, the hand on my shoulder holding on me tighter.

_"You're a natural, Crona."_ She smiled tenderly at me, staring at my eyes, getting even closer. For a moment I felt like I was flying, dancing in the clouds. Heaven, I was in heaven. It was like everything around us just vanished, leaving us alone in a quiet peacefull white room, with nothing but the sound of our beating hearts and the song our souls would sing when resonating. We were resonating now... I could not only feel but even taste her warmth, her scent. My soul vibrated, its dark demon wings fluttering in contact with her own angelical ones. I could stay like that for eternity, if that was heaven I would happily have died a long time ago.

Suddenly a melody started to fill the air, snapping me out of my hapiness. It was a piano, a sad piano melody... a sound filled with melancholy. We both turned to watch where the sound was comming from, stopping our dancing. Then I noticed a lot of things around us... we were the only ones dancing, everyone else were around us, watching us. I fidgeted, not knowing how to deal with that, Maka's soul holding me back from one of my panic attacks. I then noticed something else, playing the piano was Soul, dressed in his black groom tuxedo. Standing next to him was Tsubaki holding a microphone, staring at both of us with that gentle smile of hers. Maka loved to hear Soul play the piano and I could notice her hapiness rising sky high. To my surprise, instead of running next to her now husband, she held me against her, her arms around my frail body making me jump.

The melody that Soul was playing got joined by Tsubaki's beautiful voice, quite a surprise.

_"Spotlight shining brightly... on my face..._

_I cant see a thing and yet I feel you... looking my way._

_Empty stage... With nothing but this girl_

_Who is singing this simple melody and wearing her heart on her sleeve"_

She was happy, I could tell. Maka was happy, a joy that came at the bottom of her soul, shared with me thanks to our resonance. I think she had never been this happy before. Dancing again, I held her tight against me, turning our dance into a slow intimate moment where we could stay quite close and keep moving, her cheek resting on my shoulder.

_"And right now... I have you..._

_For a moment I can tell I've got you..._

_Cause your lips dont move, something is happening_

_Cause your eyes tell me the truth..._

_I've put a spell over you..."_

I felt my heart splitting in half, like a hot knife stabbing my chest and ripping it out of me. In that moment I knew that hapiness and sadness could exist together, in the same moment, with the same overwhelming intensity. I could feel a knot in my throat, my face suddently burning, my eyes filled with tears, tears I managed to hold back with all of my strength.

_"Beauty emanates from every word that you say_

_And captured the deepest thoughts in the purest... And simplest of ways_

_But you see.. I am not graceful like you, nor am I as eloquent._

_But just a simple melody can change the way that you see me_

_And right now! I have you..._

_for a moment I can tell I've got you_

_Cause your lips dont move, something is happening..._

_Cause your eyes tell me the truth..._

_I've put a spell over you"_

This was going to be the last time I would ever be this close to her. It would be the last time I would ever smell her scent, touch her skin, feel her heart beating against my chest. Holding her tighter, I started to tremble a bit, unable to hold back my fear, the fear of not having her. She got married with a good faithful husband, her best friend, her weapon partner, her white knight in shining armor, and she was happy. She would be happy and safe in a perfect life she deserved. I was incredibly happy for her... and yet I couldn't help the feelings of despair and horror inside of me...

Tonight I was losing her, losing her for good. She would leave and take my heart away with her, leaving me with nothing but an empty shell... a dry soul in an ocean of loneliness.

_"All my life I've stumbled, but up here I am just perfect!_

_Perfect as I'll.. ever be..._

_I have you..._

_For a moment I can tell I've got you!_

_Cause your lips dont move, something is happening_

_Cause your eyes tell me the truth..._

_I've put a spell... over you..."_

I think Maka was able to feel the tension in my body, glazing over my face, and as the song ended we stopped dancing. Her eyes were filled with worry yet I just forced a smile for her, keeping her tightly against me a little more. I could hear a faint sound around us, it sounded like lots of clapping, but my senses were focused on her only. If I were able to feel her hapiness... was she able to feel my sorrow? The song Soul was playing was strangely accurate to how I was feeling in that moment... A sad song that somehow eased the pain inside of me.

I couldnt. I couldnt bare it anymore. It hurt, it was way too painful and my short temple started to crumble making me shake in her arms. As soon as Soul finished playing I stopped, staring at her idly. She was clearly concerned about me, yet I forced myself into keeping that smile, even if she already knew it was fake. Before Maka could react I made use of all of my strength and dim courage to hold her tight into an embrace, closing my eyes shut. I could feel her shock, how she tensed in my arms at first just to relax a few seconds later, hugging me back. Her hands curled into fists on my suit while I kept her close against my chest, trying to take as much of her scent as I could, just one last time. That was the moment when I knew for sure I had to let her go.

"Crona…" Blair called me suddenly, snapping me out of my thoughts. Looking down to see her I noticed the reason. Tears, there were tears soaking the fur of her back, and bringing my hand to my face it was obvious that I had been crying. Holding my breath I cleaned my face roughly with the back of my hand, shaking my head trying to bring myself together. Sometimes I wonder how can Blair be so patient with me... but something tells me she had been expecting me to be like this today. Taking a deep breath I tried to relax, holding Blair in my arms before leaving the kitchen, walking to my room. But as I kept looking around me the void inside of me becomes bigger and bigger.

Enough. I have to let go all of this thoughts and memories because if I keep thinking about it, I will lose my grip on the last straws of sanity I have left. Maka always had told me that it was no good to think on things that you can't change. She also told me that bad things happen so we can learn about them, and once you learn the lesson you have to let them go. Then what do I do with these memories? Can I learn something about them? Maka taught me not to suffer because of the past but to enjoy the good memories. What do I do now when my happiest memory is also the most painful?

Maka taught me how to cook, but didnt teach me how to deal with the memories of seeing her every morning making breakfast. She taught me how to read novels, but didnt teach me how to deal with the image of the empty space where her bookshelf used to be. She taught me the taste of ice cream, cupcakes and sodas, but didnt teach me to enjoy them without her.

I learned how to deal with thousands of things thanks to her, except to deal with her not being here with me.

The walls start to crumble around me, my head is spinning and I can't help but shake and trip while I walk to my room. Then, right there in the bedrooms corridor is when I see it... Maka's bedroom. The door of her room is slightly open and some light is escaping from the inside, maybe she forgot to turn off the light.

Or...

"Maka…" I whispered into the apartment's darkness, feeling a stupid senseless hope. Maybe she's inside, like she always used to be, like all those times when she invited me to read with her in her room. We used to talk about the books we read, making up alternative scenes and endings. Maka enjoyed all those moments since she had no one else to read with or talk about her books, none of them were passionate like Maka when it came to books. She taught me to read... not like I didn't know, Medusa taught me quite fiercely but I never enjoyed the books she used to give me. With Maka I discovered I liked reading, it was a way of escaping reality, my reality, and living the one of the heroes and adventurer's in the novels... but most of all I read because of her.

Keeping that silly hope, I took the door knob with my shaking hand, pushing it open slowly to look inside Maka's bedroom.

It was there when I suddently felt the air around me turn thicker, the oxygen vanishing, I was choking. The walls were crumbling around me, my head spinning, I could do nothing but hold on to the door knob just for not to fall. Still holding Blair against my chest, she clinged to my shirt giving me a look filled with pure sheer concern, almost panic.

I could hear Blair calling for me, yelling at me, but the sound was so far away... all of my senses are focused on the reality. Maka's bedroom is empty.

Her bed is gone, her dresser too, the old closet is here but completely empty, the room is cold yet it keeps her scent. This is reality, she was here...and now she's gone. Alone, I am completely alone, alone again.

There is a buzzing in my ears and I barely noticed when I fell on my knees to the floor. Maka is not here, she's gone and she wont come back. No, she has her own life now, a life in the arms of that pianist of scarlet eyes. Of course, things have to be this way... How could I hold even the slightest hope of her noticing me? No one ever love me, no one can, no one will... How could anyone love a thing that not even its own mother loved? I allowed myself to think about a life at Maka's side and now I am paying the consequences. She is gone, she left to start her new life at the side of a man she loves, a man that is not me.

Soul will be able to make her happy? Maka will miss our reading sessions? She'll miss writing poems? Miss the attempts of cooking with me? Helping me to study for Shibusen exams? Sitting in the school balcony and watch the sunset together?

Maka will miss me?

No, no she won't. She has chosen a life and in that life there is no room for me. Her life is Soul, she decided that the moment she accepted his proposal. She left, leaving me an apartment void of her and filled with memories. I can feel my face soaked wet and my eyes burn. I know I'm crying, I'm crying like I've never cried before. I haven't cried like this since the day Maka saved me from myself, the day she asked me to be her friend.

Crying like this is right, crying for her is right, she is the owner of these tears; my thoughts, my feelings and this shattered heart belongs to her. I can cry for her.

"MAKAAAAAAAAA!" I scream from the top of my lungs, tears falling down my cheeks and face, straight to the floor. It hurts, it hurts so much, am I dying? Most likely. This pain is even worse than being almost cut in half by my mother's arrow blade... that time when I saved her life.

That time I had been afraid, terrified, horrified with the idea of losing her, of not seeing her again. To lose her warm smile, her soft soothing voice, her wonderful scent... It had been terrifying. It was that same horror what drove me to save her, pushing her away from my mother's attack, taking the blade in her place. This time I couldn't help it, I couldn't help losing her, I couldn't do anything to stop it. There was no arrow to take in her place, no raging golem to keep at bay from her, there was no kishin trying to snatch her away from me. I lost Maka in the arms of a friend, it was a battle I couldn't win.

I'm choking, lacking air, my chest hurts and my head is spinning, I feel like pucking. I want to yell for help, I want to scream, but now no one will hear my shouts. No one will come to me at night after a nightmare, no one will give me a smile just because. I will never feel her arms around me ever again, or even her soft breath on my face or whispering in my ear. I'll never get to see her pillow head in the mornings, or hear her quiet snores through the door. I'll never get to eat her breakfasts, nor help her to make dinner, neither to enjoy another sunset next to her.

I screamed. I kept on screaming, I'm very aware of that due to my aching throat, my tears flowing out of my eyes non stop. Shaking, my whole body seems to be on a seizure, my fingernails gripping my own arms like claws, black blood dripping from the punctures, staining my sleeves. I need her arms, I want to feel her one more time holding me tight. I need her, she is my oxygen and I am choking.

"CRONA! CRONA!" Someone is calling me, a familiar voice, a female voice... but my ears are buzzing too much. Maka? No, it cant be Maka. Shes gone, she left, I've lost her. Taking my head between my hands, tugging my hair tightly. Stop, stop... Let me be, leave me alone, just how I deserve to be...

"CRONA!" Again that voice, but this time a pair of hands grab a hold on my own, taking them away from tugging my hair, followed by several punches on my skull. I open my eyes just to watch Ragnarok above my head, beating me, and Blair in her human form holding my wrists.

I looked around me, there is nothing. My breathing is racing and I notice I just puked on the floor. My face is covered in sweat and tears, my body is still shaking, the sleeves of my shirt wet with my black blood along with my nails. I just had a panic attack.

I stare at Blair and try to apologize, but from my throat comes out nothing but a whimper. It hurts, badly, I cant speak, is it possible to end up mute for screaming? Swallowing hard I try to get a hold of myself, Blair staring at me with worry on her face, debating between helping me up or keep her distance... Maybe I am the only man in the world she doesnt see as a sexual object but as... a child? Maybe...

Is that what Maka saw in me? A child? Maybe thats why she never noticed me. For her I was just a friend, a child, just a crying baby who needed protection.

"Crona, stop thinking that emo bullshit..." Ragnarok growled, tugging on my hair roughly. It was strange to hear him like that though, so serious... almost sad? Is it that I am dealing with this so badly that even Ragnarok feels compassion towards me?

"I'm tired..." I managed to whisper, my throat hurting like hell. Blair decides to help me out, holding me with an arm around my shoulders, guiding me to my bedroom.

My bedroom... I can only stare at it and all the stuff in it. Everything I have is because of her. That bed with the fancy black blanket with symmetrical white stripes, a gift from Kid, with Patty's stuffed giraffe on top. Stein's old oak desk with Tsubaki's cook book open in some snacks recipe I used for the party. Below that desk was Professor Marie's wooden chest she gave me as a gift for my personal stuff. At the bottom of said chest there's some gross male magazines Black Star gave me and that I can't get rid of... I can't even look at them, much less touch them. Yet everything, in the end, is a gift from Maka, the gift of her friendship.

There it is, on that desk, protected by a beautiful frame, the photograph of my first party, that party when I used for the first time something beside my black robe. Maka is beside me, hugging me, smiling so close to me. Without thinking twice, and despite Blair's attempts to take me to bed, I take the picture frame and hold it against my chest, taking it on my hands.

Are you gone, Maka? Are you really gone? No... you're still here inside my heart, mind and soul. The hell inside my head is breaking lose, I need you close to me to keep me sane. Can you hear me? Where ever you are, I hope you can hear me.

But I know you cant, you cant hear me or feel me... In this very moment you are with Soul, far away starting your new life, hugging him, not thinking about me even for one instant. Its ok... Its ok... This is how things are. She is happy, my Maka is happy and safe with someone who can give her everything I could never give. Its ok.

With the picture in my hands I go back to bed, taking off my shoes before tugging myself in, holding the frame against my chest for dear life. I can feel Blair pressing against the back of my neck, again in her cat form, purring against me like some kind of lullaby. A couple of tears run down my face, escaping my sore eyes, whispering to her a low weak "thanks" before hugging tighter to the photo against my chest.

You are with me Maka, in this heart, in this mind, your essence is trapped within my soul, where ever you are you will always be with me. In the loneliness of this apartment I can still smell your scent, I can still hear your laugh, your yelling, the footsteps of your naked feet, in my mind there's still your beautiful eyes.

Loneliness, this is my reality... I was born to be alone, I started in solitude and I'll end the same. It's ok, because my reality also is you, Maka, all around me... in the friends I got, in the possessions around me. For a moment I can tell I've got you.

This is my reality.

* * *

**AkireRosales**: Its done! Wohoooo! Man translating is a bitch! I need to thank again my beta reader Queen 0f Games for helping me out with my awful grammar. Yet again Im so sorry I've made your eyes bleed with this, but thank you so much Queen!

Now, pwease... Pweaseeee! You have to search for the song I used for this one-shot. Search for it on youtube as "Maka Crona Spell", is the first one in the list, is an AMV (not made by me) that includes the song and lyrics. Will be the perfect closure for this one-shot!

With that said... REVIEW? If this story gets enough love I'll also translate the 10 chapter sequel :'D so... Review?


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